Felinids
| UNDEFINED | |
| Файл:Catpeople.png Felinid |
Genus: Homo Sapiens Felis Homeworld: Japanifornia and plastic surgery rooms Central Authority: United Earth Government Restricted Job Roles: Command Roles Guides: No external guides Spoken Languages: Not defined |
Humans spread from arm to arm of the galaxy. But something happened along the way. Mutants, though closer to humanity than other species, are still barred from higher positions in the chain of command.
History
### ERROR: REMOTE INTERCEPT - INFORMATION MAY HAVE BEEN REDACTED FROM THIS DOCUMENT FOR YOUR SAFETY ###
Cat people Felinids have a long history with Space Station 13. One of the earliest events still recorded, in much simpler times, shows cat ears and tails were perhaps just [a consumer product] available in the galaxy. Innocent enough as well, at least concerning what Felinids were, [pet collars] became the height of niche fashion a year after cat ears returned to shelves. Though consumers complained cat ears and collars could not be put on together, the manufacturers questioned who would be unable to wear ears on their head, a tail somewhere unpleasant and a collar on their neck all together. Market researchers claimed these complaints were from children not suited to the product given the letters were written in colourful crayon.
Though the origin of cat ears are missing, we do know that they are currently a novelty item created by the Animals Rights Consortium in an effort to make you care more for cats by making you more like them, rather than the obvious solution of making cats more like humans with babies instead of kittens. The collars are too, because an inmate pet needs a collar so other people know it's not supposed to be wandering outside of space stations. It took only three months of no response to the crayon complaints before a raving madman broke into the Animal Rights Consortium's headquarters, armed with just a pair of stungloves, a fire extinguisher full of welding fuel and a lit match. The pet loving organisation soon discovered the letters were not written by children, but Nanotrasen employees and children, we hope, at least the one authorised by a clown's rubber stamp, must have been a birthday party.
As it turns out, the Animal Rights Consortium had been working on a mad science. The ability to make toy ears and tail out of flesh that cannot be yanked out when mum and dad the AI and Captain open your dorm door. The previous raving madman was told if he got his employers to accept surgery for this new product, he would be the first to receive it outside of the laboratory. This coincided with the time that Nanotrasen was to allow its employees to look unkempt even in front of competitors; tattoos and scars. Naturally, on the day after the madman was offered a catty chance, Nanotrasen declared its shareholders must vote on allowing its employees the privilege of either scars and tattoos or a new plastic surgery. Despite the executive's voice on the announcement wavering along with another man on the microphone yelling at him what to say, and the news of rescheduled deathsquad exercises, and the sound of weapons fire at the end of the announcement, the executives voted for their [purrfurred outcome]. Needless to say, the crazed madman was not the first to receive the infamous ears or tail.
Two years again afterwards and the surgical technology was refined. The hearing of the ears was enhanced, though security's liberal usage of flash bangs is not helpful to this further modification to make humans care more for their frisky feline pets. Some predictions are that the next modification will be enhanced night vision, which will too cause greater issue with flash bangs, or that claws are the next potential step. Some ask when it will stop, the Animal Rights Consortium don't.
At the same time, reactionaries amongst Nanotrasen ranks helped to encourage [furred products] though it was soon found out to be sourced from [black market chop shops] that were only legalised in Nanotrasen trade networks due to either executive dislike for Felinids or executive mistrust of coming back alive after going for surgery at an Animal Rights Consortium facility, depending on which rumours you hear in maintenance.
### REMOTE INTERCEPT ENDS - HAVE A SECURE DAY ###
Roleplay
";Nya!"
A Legit Guide to Felinids
This legit guide is all about cat girls as a 5e D&D racial option for everybody who’s not a fag and can
appreciate real art. We’ll start off with an FAQ for the aesthetically impaired. Enjoy!
Q: Why would I want to play as a cat girl?
A: That’s a fucking stupid question, but that’s OK – it’s probably to be expected of autistic antiweeb
crusaders such as people who would even bother reading this FAQ instead of just skipping to
the racial stats. The answer is that cat girls are a truly essential PC race in any and all D&D games.
In fact, they’re so essential to the game that in Chainedmale (Gary Gaygax’s first whack at the universe’s 8th tabletop role-playing game ever made) they were the *only* player race available! Not only that but, given people were such unimaginative fucks, the cat girl PC race was simultaneously its own class. Well, at least Gary Gaygax understood the importance of cat girls!
Q: How can I incorporate cat girls into my setting?
A: Why aren’t cat girls already in your setting? What fucked up world do you have in which you have dragons/wizards/nalfeshnees/emus/trees/xylophones/tiny people and yet you lack girls with cat ears and tails? Dude just use magic or some shit. You don’t need this spoonfed to you.
Q: I want to play as a cat girl, but my DM admin won’t let me. What should I do?
A: Call him a faggot and then just play as a warlock, druid, or wizard and turn yourself into a cat girl anyway. Starting at level two as a warlock, you can cast disguise self at will as an invocation. Once you reach 15th level you can cast alter self at will as an invocation. Once you hit level 17 you get true polymorph and you’re golden. As a moon druid, you get the Thousand Forms circle feature at level 14, which lets you cast alter self at will a level earlier than warlock gets it, though you’ll sadly never have access to true polymorph. As a wizard, you get access to all the normal spells (disguise self, alter self, true polymorph) and, of course, wish. I can think of nothing more worthy of a suicidal casting of wish than to turn each and every humanoid on the material plane into a cat girl. The gods will surely smile upon your heroic sacrifice for the greater good.
Q: Why does everyone assume I’m a pervert just for wanting to play as a cat girl?
A: Because they’re degenerate cocksuckers who cannot fathom that another person might have pure intentions in wanting to play as the cat girl master race. Their wish-fulfillment fetish-tier races like elves, aasimars, goliaths, and hobgoblins are perfectly fine in their mad, lust-filled minds, such that the purity and perfection of cat girls burns at their evil perverted hearts. Neko Revēlāt 57:20 - But the wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up mire and dirt.
Q: Where are the cat boys?
A: I don’t follow.
Q: What is a cat girl’s favored class?
A: Cat girls make excellent barbarians because they are fast and possibly strong! Cat girls also make great bards, due to the fact that they are charismatic and tend to have lovely voices. You can’t go wrong with a cat girl cleric, as no other race produces such wise and devoted acolytes. The path of a druid is one that suits a cat girl perfectly, as they are natural protectors and nurturers of nature. Cat girl fighters may be found amongst the greatest warriors in any setting, being innately talented martial combatants due to their speed and possible strength. The life of a cat girl monk is one of sweat and discipline, and that suits a cat girl just fine since they have great mental fortitude and physical talent. Cat girls make the very best paladins, as cat girls have a potent sense of justice and dedication to righteous causes. The role of a ranger is one of a silent guardian and watchful protector, which cat girls fill perfectly with their keen senses and rustic grit. No other race offers you a better choice as a rogue, as the dexterity and cunning of cat girls is unmatched in the world of intrigue, tactics and espionage. Innate magical power and talent flows through the veins of every cat girl, making cat girls the ideal race for being sorcerers. Cat girls are experts of diplomacy and finding alternative ways to make their dreams reality when things go awry, making them superb candidates for finding their way into the warlock class. As intelligent and studious as the average cat girl is, it’s no wonder that cat girls also make such top-of-the-line wizards. I hope that answers your question! That concludes this FAQ segment. I hope you now have a better understanding of the depth, utility, and general import of cat girls as a D&D 5e PC race.
Cat Girl Traits
Your cat girl character has many unique and potent traits inherent to your noble bloodline. Ability Score Increases. Your Dexterity score increases by 2, and your Charisma score increases by 1
Age. Cat girls grow up at about the same rate as humans, reaching physical maturity generally in their late teens. Cat girls, however, do not age after maturity, and can potentially live forever. Even if she dies though, remember she will always live on in your heart.
Alignment. Cat girls are always good. No exceptions. If you suspect a cat girl is evil, you’re mistaken – they are probably just pretending.
Size. Cat girls tend to range in height from just under 5 feet to just below 6 feet tall. Your size is Medium.
Languages. Cat girls know English, which is the only language anyone needs.
A Cute. Cat girls are very cute! You can cast the enthrall spell once using this trait. You regain the ability to do so when you finish a short or long rest. Charisma is your spellcasting ability for this spell.
