E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR
As of PR #35466, the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR might soon be useful again. Yay!
The Enhanced Xenobiological Period Extraction (and) Restoration Instructor Mentor is a machine designed to discover the secrets behind every item in existence. It can be found in the Experimental Lab.
The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR is a research machine that takes items, and through a process of elimination, allows you to research technology from them. Due to its volatile nature, there is a high chance of the machine backfiring and it's subsystems causing havoc. It uses randomly generated patterns to identify the technological uses of items, meaning that at the start of every shift, it will have a whole new set of uses.
With advanced technology, it can process 99.95% of items, and discover their uses and secrets. Upgrading the parts of the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR will result in less failures.
Basic Process
To use the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR, it is simple:
- Find an Item with a technological background.
- Insert the Item into the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR.
- Click the different processing methods to experiment on the device.
- A successful result will give a unique message, and a chance for an event.
- There are relics that spawn in random places through the station called 'strange objects' that are of technological background and can be used with this machine.
- The relics always follow the format ("broken","twisted","spun","improved","silly","regular","badly made") ("device","object","toy","illegal tech","weapon").
Advanced Usage
The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR has a variety of uses, beyond basic researching. The different results can be used to combat localized events, or even to get special items.
The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's OBLITERATE function has the added use of transferring the destroyed item's material into a linked lathe.
The Irradiate function can be used to transform items into other items, resulting in potential upgrades (or downgrades.)
Users should remember to always carry appropriate protection when using the machine, because malfunction can occur at any moment!
At the moment it is only useful to scan strange objects, as most if not all of the results from experimenting are neutral or negative.
Events
Fail
This event is produced when the item mismatches the selected experiment. Produces a random message similar to: "the Banana rumbles, and shakes, the experiment was a failure!"
Poke
Wild Arms: The machine's gyroscopic processors malfunction, causing it to lash out at nearby people with it's arms.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions and destroys the banana, lashing it's arms out at nearby people!
Mistype: The machine's interface has been garbled, and it switches to OBLITERATE.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions!
Throw: The machine's spatial recognition device has shifted several meters across the room, causing it to try and reposition the item there.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, throwing the banana!
Irradiate
Radiation Leak: The machine's shield has failed, resulting in a toxic radiation leak.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and leaking radiation!
Radiation Dump: The machine's recycling and containment functions have failed, resulting in a dump of toxic waste around it.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, spewing toxic waste!
Mutation: The machine's radio-isotope level meter has malfunctioned, causing it over-irradiate the item, making it transform.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, transforming the banana!
Gas
Toxin Leak: The machine's filtering and vent systems have failed, resulting in a cloud of toxic gas being expelled.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR destroys the banana, leaking dangerous gas!
Gas Leak: The machine's vent systems have failed, resulting in a cloud of harmless, but obscuring gas.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, spewing harmless gas!
Electromagnetic Ions: The machine's electrolytic scanners have failed, causing a dangerous Electromagnetic reaction.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR melts the banana, ionizing the air around it!
Heat
Toaster: The machine's heating coils have come into contact with the machine's gas storage, causing a large, sudden blast of flame.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and releasing a burst of flame!
Sauna: The machine's vent loop has sprung a leak, resulting in a large amount of superheated air being dumped around it.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and leaking hot air!
Emergency Vent: The machine's temperature gauge has malfunctioned, resulting in it attempting to cool the area around it, but instead, dumping a cloud of steam.
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, activating it's emergency coolant systems!
Cold
Coolant Fail: Ding! Your death coffee (which can be made up of uranium, frost oil, or ephedrine) is ready! Chance: 20
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's emergency coolant system gives off a small ding!
Frost Cloud: Poisonous frost oil smoke is released by the machine. Chance: 20
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, shattering the banana and releasing a dangerous cloud of coolant!
Cold Gas: The machine's cooling loop has been exposed to the outside air, resulting in a large decrease in temperature. Chance: 30
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, shattering the banana and leaking cold air!
Freeze Item: The object freezes over, and the air around the machine cools down to a dangerous level. Chance: 50
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, releasing a flurry of chilly air as the banana pops out!
Cool Container: The object cools down. Chance: 80
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR cools the banana.
Snowstorm: Cold exhaust is ejected around the machine. Chance: 20
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, reversing the direction of cooling!
Clone
Clone: The object is duplicated. Chance: 800
Produces the message: A duplicate banana pops out!
Bad Clone: The object is duplicated. The clone is temporary. Chance: 80
Produces the message: Banana melts into a puddle of grey slag.
Discover
Analyse: The machine reveals a relic. Chance: 800
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR scans the banana, revealing its true nature!
Analyse Relic: The machine analyzes a relic, printing a paper revealing statistics. Chance: 800
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR pops out a piece of paper filled with schematics and diagrams.
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Note: The machine has a scale for robustness: 0 is worthless, 1 to 10 is weak, 10 to 15 is makeshift, 15 to 25 is robust, above 25 is exceptionally robust. (numbers are in damage, for comparison, a double e-sword deals 34 damage)
Obliterate
Flatten: The object is crushed. Chance: 20
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crushing mechanism slowly and smoothly descends, flattening the banana!
Deconstruct: The object is deconstructed into its base material. Chance: 80
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR activates the crushing mechanism, the banana is destroyed!
Spacetime Pull: Objects are pulled to the machine, which crushes space-time itself. Chance: 30
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crusher goes way too many levels too high, crushing right through space-time!
Spacetime Throw: Objects are thrown away from the machine, which crushes space-time itself. Chance: 40
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crusher goes one level too high, crushing right into space-time!
Singularity: A fake singularity toy is ejected by the machine. Guaranteed to the scientist manning the machine shit their pants. Chance: 20
Produces the message: The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crusher goes infinite levels too high, creating a miniature black hole!